I am a “Local author” writing “Fiction we recommend”, but there are five days until Christmas and Waterstone’s book shop has sold out of my novel. Look at the abyss, the yawning, nay, gaping void, the vortex of nothingness where a stack of Advice for Strays should be. Order more, Waterstone’s staff, and be quick about it!
(It makes me feel wonderful that folks are buying it, you know. Still. Really wonderful. I do hope they like it.)